i want to love you in physical. not just through words. i want you to hear me say i love you and i want to kiss you and i want to warm up your hands with mine and touch the back of your neck and i want to love you in physical. in words. in emotions. in feeling. i want to love you here. with me. but i will love you over distance and silence and empty spaces until i can see you and be with you. and let my love be with you when i am not there. because its raining and the night is dark but it’d be darker if i did not have the thought of you to keep me company. and i love you so much it’s keeping my heart lit up. even if the light does not reach my eyes or reach my smile or anything visible. you’re the only thing in my heart and you’re the only one. the only one i’ve learned how to love, and more than that, the only one i want to love. because i know you and my heart knows you and this is my favorite. i know the way you don’t like to listen to music very loud when i’m in the car so we can talk, even if it is a very good song and i want it loud. i know how you sound when you sleep and i know how you dream because you tell me and i know the way that you kiss my mouth hard and the way you taste and the warmth of your body on mine and the way you smell and the way we smell when we’re together. and the way you always roll down your window when i leave so i can kiss you one more time. i know the way you will call me as soon as you get out of class so you can talk to me as you walk back to your car, and i know the way that you’ll message me one last time before you go to sleep, even if i have been asleep hours before. i know the way that you cry and i know the sound of your voice when i know you’re getting tired and weak and sad. and i know the look you give when you’re angry and the way you say you’re sorry. i know the sounds you make when we kiss and the way your hands run over my back and i know all of this about you. and i keep it in my heart and i keep all of you in my heart, even the things you don’t know about yourself. but i’m noticing. everything you do and everything you say and every way you love me. and i love you so much and i don’t know how to show you the extent of my love for you. because you are not here and i am not there and distance is a son of a bitch but it is only physical and anything physical can be conquered. everything, really, can be conquered. i swear with this love we can move mountains that get in our path. i could build a city with all this love i have for you.
happy 27 months. 18 more days until the rest of forever.
(27 months was really sunday. but the love is still there, even though this post is late)